A Start

I never thought I would do one of these...blog things. I am perfectly willing to accept the fact that no one is going to read any of this...the URL is more than a little misleading. My life is not adventurous, not by the world's standards anyhow. I am doing this for me. It's a pretty sad commentary on your life if it doesn't seem like an adventure to yourself, and my life has been pretty boring for a long time.

I think I kind of lost myself, forgot who I really was and the things I liked to do. I got to a point recently where I realized that I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I need to reinvent myself in a BIG way. I know I can't go back in time to a place where I was happy, and I wouldn't want to do that anyway. It would be quite a discredit to myself to do that. Surely there has been some good stuff in my life over the last 15 years; I just can't seem to recall it.

I've been pretty depressed for a long time. I don't really show (or feel) any pride in myself and it shows. I hardly ever put on makeup anymore, my clothes are fodder for an episode of What Not To Wear, my hair is rather like a sad hat, and I have literally become twice the woman I was 15 years ago...weight-wise. Time to change. I am tired of this girl; I don't really like her all that much. So.....

I have put makeup on several days lately and it feels pretty good. I remember a time when I never went without mascara, not in a freakish way; I'm sure there were days when I went out of the house "undone." I am going to have to retrain my eyelashes, as they have forgotten what they are supposed to do, and I think I'll have to break down and buy some decent base to cover my oh-so-uneven skin. So far, so good.

The hair is going to have to come in time, I'm not really sure what to do with it. Maybe gray, flat hair will come into style sometime soon and then I won't have to worry. Not likely. I'll work on it.

Next item of business...the weight. Ugh. I worked out today. I went to the gym and had a personal trainer set me up. Luckily, I was positioned in a spot where I couldn't see myself in the amply mirrored room, probably where they put all the first day-ers. The first 15 minutes were breezy, the next 5 were difficult, the next 5 were nighmarish, the next 5 were downright hellish, and the last 5 minutes came from sheer willpower not to look like a complete loser on the first day. However, I left feeling 10 pounds lighter already, full of endorphines and happy thoughts of skinny jeans and what it's like to wear a belt. Then I got home. I sat down for a few and then foolishly tried to get up. Ha. My knees were totally uncooperative and I couldn't feel my butt. I told my trainer that barring an act of God I would come again tomorrow, and I am beginning to regret that a little. No, not really. I am going to go again, let's see how this plays out. I am really looking forward to finding myself under all this extra skin.

Onward and upward!

Lady R